Let’s face it, once you have kids gone are the days of twenty-minute showers and leisurely manicures. Instead, you’ll find yourself frantically running around the house with a toothbrush in your mouth, a baby on your hip, all the while trying to convince your toddler to pee in the toilet and not on the wall.
This isn’t to say that moms can’t look damn good. I’m always impressed by the mamas at my son’s preschool with beachy waves in their hair, dewy cheeks, and hip outfits, all before 9am! My first internal reaction is to silently scream WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? But then I rationalize to myself that their awesome appearance must be the result of getting up at four a.m. So while my messy ponytail and chapstick may not look great, at least I got to sleep until six.
Then I thought back to the good ole days. Days when you could easily spend two hours getting ready for a date, stop in for a pedicure on a whim, and maintain an expensive highlight job. Any time I spend with non-moms, I’m secretly infuriated at how put together they are and the knowledge that they surely didn’t have to pry their mascara tube away from a teething baby.
Luckily, we’re all able to adapt. And while we enter motherhood with some vague idea that our beauty rituals will never be the same, here are ten changes that moms everywhere will recognize.
- Showers are now similar to triage sessions at the ER. You get in, prioritize, and desperately cleanse before Mickey Mouse finishes and the incessant calls of “Mommy, I need you!” begin. Sorry conditioner, you’ll have to wait until next time.
- Your manicures are just left over finger-paint that you’re too lazy to clean off. At least you can do daily color changes with no extra charge.
- You burst into tears if Target is out of your favorite beauty product because you now have to pick something totally new while your two year old makes a game of knocking products off the shelves. After ten minutes of trying to pick out something new, you throw the cutest looking bottle in your cart only to hate it when you get home.
- You let your eyebrows grow wild all the while telling yourself that you’re just going for that “full brow” look.
- You can now put on eye makeup with one hand. Concealer, shadow, eyeliner, mascara–easy. (Let’s face it you could probably knit one handed these days.)
- You consider sunglasses to be eye makeup, and as such don’t feel the need to remove them when you’re inside. Especially because you’re scared someone will think those massive sleep deprived bags you’re sporting are actually black eyes and report you to social services.
- Your new facial is now whatever mixture of baby food gets thrown your way. Avocado, peas, and chicken nuggets are super good for your skin, right?
- Any trip to the department store beauty counter is a torture routine. Your kids decide that this is the time and place to burn off excess energy and run circles as fast as they can, stopping only to blow raspberries on the glass cabinets. While trying to wrangle them you’re stuck behind the lady who wants to try out EVERYTHING and all you’re interested in is whatever is cheapest and gets you the free gift with purchase.
- If you’re ever able to dry your hair, put on makeup, AND get dressed in a cute outfit you frantically take a selfie and post it online before the kids smear snot all over all your hard work.
- Even when you’re FINALLY able to get that pedicure/haircut/facial you’ve so desperately been wanting, you never really relax and enjoy it because you’re too worried about getting frantic calls from the babysitter that your youngest has finally succeeded in his life long goal of eating a rock and is headed to the emergency room.