4 am is a very lonely hour.
I’m sitting here in the dark, rocking my newly crawling high on life doesn’t need sleep baby back to bed for the 4th time tonight.
I’m willing myself to stay awake but not too awake, in hopes that I’ll be able to quickly fall asleep as soon as I am able to set my baby down.
I was blessed with a pretty good sleeper. My hat is off to you moms (and dads) that have kids that are difficult to put to bed, hard to get to nap, fight sleep at every junction. My kid; he’s like his mom, loves sleep but has some trouble getting there some days. He needs some help, which I’m happy to give. And God help us when he’s learning a new skill or figuring out something mentally. He wants to go go go at 330am.
During these sleep regressions (8 month regression is a thing, right?) I am amazed at how sleep or lack there of can utterly break you. It’s not the not-sleeping. It’s the knowing you’re awake at an ungodly hour. The mind numbing rocking and shushing in a pitch black room. The gritty, sand paper eyes that can barely remain open. And ok, it’s the lack of sleep. People go crazy without sleep. Literally, go insane.
During the 4 month sleep regression, I hada full blown meltdown. I’m talking snivelly nose, ugly cry, snot running down my face. It was bad. I was tired, beyond exhausted, but more than that, I knew I had to do it all over the next night. And the next. I mean, babies are babies. They don’t sleep that great. It’s a scientific fact. If you’re one of those people who’s baby has slept through the night since 6 weeks, well fuck you. I mean that in the nicest possible way. To everyone else, I raise my glass (of wine, yeah it’s 430, whatever)
I feel calmer this regression. There will be many midnight, 3 am, 530 am wake ups but I know this too shall pass. For now, I will bask in the milk drunk breath of my sleeping child (why do babies’ breath smell so good?!?) and buy more eye cream on Amazon in hopes that I don’t scare the poor bagger at Ralph’s tomorrow with my raccoon eyes.
